Be bold and be confident

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less travelled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”

― Mandy Hale

     The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Amy Cuddy

Fake it till you become it

Confidence stems from those quotations. It comes from being bold. The bolder and the more often you practise your steps, the greater your confidence increases. It’s how a child learns.

Being bold can mean so many different things to all kinds of people.

In the context of this website, we mean to encourage you to be bold, to find your self-confidence. Specifically in the context of health and well-being this will mean doing such things as :-

Taking responsibility for your health and not handing the power and responsibility to doctors, nurses, social workers or others unless you have reached a point of not being able to engage your own sense of responsibility.

Fighting for what you need – if you are getting shoddy service from the NHS, or anywhere, complain, advocate, remonstrate – be bold and do not be beaten down by the present paradigm of “doctors know best” or letting the system will beat you into submission.

Standing up and being counted – I meet so many people who have dreadful treatment from the NHS, from doctors, and yet will do nothing about it for (a) fear of rocking the boat and (b) the fallout they may receive. Being bold means not giving in to such reprehensible behaviours of systems and their staff. You are a human being. Having confidence means you respect yourself enough not to be treated in any way you feel abusive.

Exploring every option that will assist you in YOUR healing processes – research, investigate, even experiment, complain, give feedback -  good and not so good, rely on good websites despite your doctor or nurse saying they hate patients who go to websites, take time out, forget about what others say about you and your ways, listen to the beat of your own drum, to your inner teacher, your intuition. If it feels right to you – chances are it is right.

Living outside your comfort zone, outside the box, outside the envelope or whatever else metaphor springs to mind.

Doing wacky things, things you wouldn’t always do or things others say you shouldn’t just because they do not have the guts to.

Honouring your inner voice, the voice of the Divine, your quest to be spiritually minded and guided – regardless of what the mind-herd says or does. Just because it is societal norm does not mean you have to follow it. Follow NOT the external but the internal! Honour yourself and be authentic.

 

I meet so many clients whose lives are lived on a low level -  because they fear being their true selves, they doubt they can live to their true potential, they feel they have to conform to what others think and expect of them, or society says.

When it comes to doctors, nurses and the NHS I meet so many people who have not one good word to say about the present UK system nor the present paradigm. So many suffer by what they  believe is a health service but is about disease management and more geared to keeping you stuck in the ill-ness.

But do they do anything about it? No.

And the reason is often down to four key things:-

 

  1. People are lazy; they expect others to do the advocating, the complaining, the standing up against shoddy systems and practices.

  2. They are ignorant – they claim they don’t have the information and so often they don’t but they are too lazy to find out, to update themselves, and yet will still blame others, blame the system. So they make their decisions based on very limited facts and thinking.

  3. They lack personal responsibility – it’s always about other people’s faults, the system, the doctor, the nurse – anything but the person themselves. It’s called blame! Our health is our individual responsibility – and down to what and how we think, what we feel, and what we do. It’s called lifestyle. If you think it’s okay to burn the candle both ends, to eat toxic food and drink copious amounts of alcohol – that is your right, your choice. But when it impacts your health, that is also down to you – not the NHS or any member of NHS staff.

  4. They fear the repercussions of giving feedback or of complaining. And rightly so, because time and time again when I have done so, I have found NHS incompetence, they twist your story, they demonstrate a lack of serious intent to hear patient feedback, doctors are too arrogant to even contemplate that patients may have relevant experience that is negative and are justified in complaining, complaints get trivialised, the defence is always “this is the system – like it or lump it”

BUT

Radical Healers will not put up with that. We are a voice to be heard. Make YOUR voice heard. Politely at first, and then getting stronger if necessary. Go over peoples’ heads.

Take personal responsibility for your health and well-being. Satisfy yourself you have done your best.

Then, when you deserve good treatment, complain when it is not forthcoming.

Distinguish between incompetent staff and staff who are doing their best but struggling to do their best within a corrupt, inefficient and ineffective system.

When enough voices are heard, a critical mass is reached, and things change.

 

In the end, being bold and confident is about being authentic and this will involve

Self-respect.

Authentic people speak honestly to themselves, about themselves and others, with wisdom and grace. As we have written elsewhere on this site, that words are important, authentic people are mindful of the intent and energy behind words and believe they are worthy of love and peace of mind. They have a healthy approach to life by knowing there will always be those who hold different views and perspectives but that is no reason to doubt oneself.

Courage.

C13: from Old French corage, from cuer heart, from Latin cor – the author Brene Brown goes further and say we can interpret as being wholehearted – it we put all of ourselves forward, no hiding, no holding back, no playing small.

Authentic people create their own rules, standards, beliefs and boundaries based on the values that resonate with them. They then have the wholehearted courage to live their lives based on what they believe and have discerned is right. This gives them the inner strength to withstand temptation and build self-confidence in bring their wholehearted self to the world, they appreciate there are times when they may experience vulnerability, or mat have to share with others, their shame and guilt, But they realise that by facing into their shadow side, it no longer holds power over them.

Boldness.

And finally, authentic people don’t fret  over what others may think of them; they don’t allow their fears and self-doubts to hold them back from being themselves. Often we fear being authentic for fear of being ridiculed or rejected. But authentic people, focused on being true to themselves in every moment, perhaps in some cases consciously  accessing their Divine Higher power, a trust in God as they see it, they are less concerned about the potential for rejection from others.

Being authentic, being bold, comes from daily mindful practice. It is a conscious moment-by-moment choice of embracing and embodying your truth and being courageous enough to share it with the world. When you have nothing to hide, you can trust to yourself and your belief that you are enough, and you can freely be yourself with everyone, you bring to the world a profound peace and grace.

 

Daily practice

Being authentic necessitates an acceptance that we have a spiritual part of us, we have a soul.

So it is important to build in to your daily practices some mindfulness meditation (or Yoga or Qi Gong.)

And remember, being authentic does not mean being perfect. Trying to be perfect is hard work. It is about being naturally you. And as such, authentic people will accept all their life experiences and feel the emotions that arise as a result. They don’t let feelings fester by denying and repressing them, only at some point later to explode. By being mindful, being present, any anxiety and guilt will like a wave rise and fall and disappear on the shore of life.  Authentic people experience life’s challenges from a place of love, forgiveness, compassion, respect, and gratitude.

 

Exercise

Being bold and confident means addressing a fundamental question.   With all the knowledge available to people, the key question I often get is, ”How do I use it?”  “How do I do it?”

Examples might come in other guises.

From the simpler, but for some they can be tough…

How do I know what to do about my diabetes, about my cancer, about

my ill-health?

How do I set about creating a new eating regimen?

How do I get healthier?

 

…to perhaps, for some, the more complex:-

OK, I know I need to face up to a bullying boss or arrogant consultant. HOW do I do that?

OK, I know my health is pulled down by a cheating spouse. HOW do I know what best to do?

OK, I know my well-being is suffering because I am unhappy in my life because ….  HOW do I begin to get my life back?

 

Here are some options

Go from the general to the specific

What is the present situation?       How would I rather life be       How do I get there?

               Describe it                                  Describe it / visualise it            Research options

               Identify what's lacking            in colourful detail                     Make new choices

                                                                                                                           

The way something new comes into your life is through the choices you make.

Ask “What bold CHOICES do I now make and commit to, to create the life or circumstances I now choose to have in my life?”

The key is not to get into saying ,“What do I want? What do I desire?” for those questions represent an energy of lack and the energy we are, is the energy we attract ie more lack, more wanting.

Only when we CHOOSE do we begin to manifest the new.

NB this is not about making piddly little, tinkering around the edges choices. The extent to which you see change is dependent upon the commitment you choose to make and then then the steps you take. Life-changing mostly means big steps. That said, there is a paradox, less is more. A ship at sea needs only to alter course by 1 degree to make a massive change in its ultimate destination.

But there is a crucial choice to be made, and it’s how you see the world and life.

How do you see the world and life? I give you two choices

  1.  as stingy, negative, denying, hard work, always  trying, lacking, limited, small – like a critical, controlling, parent telling you what you can’t do, can’t have and mustn’t be, ever laying down rules, conditions, making love conditional

  2. as abundant, giving, loving, flowing, filled with possibilities, yours for the asking – like a parent filled with unconditional love, encouraging you on, saying you can, and “be” all you choose to be, yours for the asking.

 

The real world, the world of our higher consciousness, heaven you might say, is number two. We, with our small mind, ego personalities have created number one.

If you’ve been living according to number one, now is the time to allow yourself the choice  of number two, to raise your consciousness, and live from a loving world of infinite possibilities.

It’s how we bring heaven down here to earth.

© 2017,2018,2019  by Andrew Hunter

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