Loving the Self - is Healing
Perhaps the most healing of treatments we can give in life is to Love ourselves as often as we can
each day. It’s no small task. In the hurly burly of busy lives, this isn’t always easy, but it’s an essential
part to feeling and living with good health and well-being. When we truly Love ourselves we do all
we can, consciously and unconsciously, to support a life of good health and well-being; when we
don't, then we don’t! It’s our choice.
Loving yourself can go from the grand gesture, perhaps taking a holiday to to a favourite
destination, or taking a permanent holiday from all those negative, self-limiting, thoughts
you hold that sabotage you life’s success.
Or maybe it could be the simple but profound act of placing your hand on your heart,
breathing in Love and breathing out Peace, breathing in Peace, and breathing out Love.
It may be willing to say no, to respect yourself and your boundaries, when other’s prefer you say “yes!”
It can be willing to be so vulnerable as you expose yourself to risk as you ask for help, not knowing what response you will get.
Self-Love is Healing
Learning how to give more Love to ourselves is a daily practice fundamental to a good life and is a habit to be nurtured until it becomes common-place.
Whatever you attempt in order to heal, perhaps the most important you can do is to truly Love yourself.
The body’s natural inclination is always to keep bringing you back into balance, moment by moment. The body’s natural default setting is to have you healthy! You and your body are Love.
When we learn to not Love ourselves, in the Highest meaning of the word, we move further and further form our natural health-filled state, from our centre. And the further from that loving centre we move, the more we are likely to attract dis-ease, ill-health, and accidents.
We come into life as example of pure Love but very quickly Love is conditioned out of us; we learn to be acceptable provided we do as we are told, live according to other’s rules and expectations, do as our government and Eurocrats would have us do. Some of us learn we don’t deserve, we are unworthy, we are not good enough, and bit by bit our self-esteem (how we esteem ourselves) is shaped and eroded, we lose touch with our authentic self, which is Love. You are noticing the capital L of love I hope?
But to the extent that we learn to not love ourselves, we learn too not to look after ourselves, care for ourselves, or respect ourselves. Automatically not-loving becomes our default, our bad habit.
Then, at some point we go looking for and attracting love, but that is the romantic kind of love we seek, called Eros, when what deep down our Soul is truly seeking is the Highest form of Love the ancient Greeks described as Agape – an authentic, selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, and the highest of the four types of love. None of this, “I will love you if ….” Nonsense.
The other forms of love are: -
Eros the physical, sensual love, the kind you get between a husband and wife, or partners
Storge … family love, the bond among mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers
Philia, the love found in close friendship, as in the biblical “brotherly love!”
Why fix what ain't broke?
So often, when we find life not the way we would wish, or our health not as we would wish it to be, we seem to default to believing that in some way we are to blame, it’s our fault, we are bad, we are broken; but more recrimination and negative labelling will not help us heal. As part of the recrimination we believe we are faulty and so we seek to change ourselves and fix ourselves as if we were in some way a broken being. And many spend a fortune on trying to cure themselves and treat themselves, and fix themselves.
And this is how the self-help movement mostly works, by getting people to change what is alleged to be broken. But who says you are broken? Where is the evidence?
Sometimes the self-help approach is valid, just as allopathic medicine is valid. For example, if you keep repeating negative, self-destructive thoughts to yourself and keep getting negative results, why not change to more positive thoughts, especially if they are to focus on more truth-filled ones? Telling yourself repeatedly that you are unlovable and unloving is simply not the truth of who you are. The truth in our original state is to be born Loved, Loving, and Loveable. Just witness a new-born and tell me that that isn’t so.
So is the route to take not so much, “how can I fix myself” as it is, “How can I return to the truth of who I am – Love?”
So how about remembering that deep down there is nothing wrong with you, and there never was. No matter what others say. We are not just our body and whilst some of us may be born with a physical dis-ease or dysfunction, ALL of us are born as pure Love. So from the very beginning, you were not broken.
And it's not because of sin!
What we experience as wrong, ill, unwell, unhealthy is down to what we’ve accumulated, all the dust on the diamond, the conditioned beliefs, and the stresses and strains of life, the toxins of our environment.
And neither have we sinned in the sense of done something bad, despite what some branches of Christianity would have us believe. Or our ill-health is us repaying our karmic dues? We were not born into sin in the sense of being automatically bad and incapable of good.
One definition of sin is simply “coming off target” and that’s what happens when we, the diamond, are covered with all the dust and all the “stuff” from our culture, society, family and other forms of indoctrination. When we move away from our core centre, we come off target, and that’s all sin is. So, like a pilot keeps readjusting his plane’s course, we too can make adjustments to come back to our centre, back on to our path.
And who can say for sure whether your situation is totally down to you? Yes, our thoughts create our reality and can help or hinder but they are not all there is! Individual health and behaviour are greatly influenced by things outside the individual's control -and whilst much of our thinking creates our reality, many things happen to us which are historical.
Many of these are historical things and include:
events in the individual's past
events in the past of the individual's family
customs that their culture has built up through history
These things affect humanity as a group as well as individuals.
Others may have tried to convince you that you were not good enough, because they too felt not good enough so they project their “stuff” on to you, for whatever motive. In your innocence, and with no evidence to the contrary, you believed them. So you spent all those years trying to fix, and mend, purge and perfect yourself. Just to fit in! But who says you should fit in in the first place? We mistake fitting in for belonging and belonging is just a longing to be! Well BE! Stop trying to fit in. Just be you!
You may even have sought power, wealth, fame and fortune, and even embarked on umpteen self-improvement workshops to achieve enlightenment, to feel you belong, to prove your worth as a ‘me’. You may have found ways to feel inferior or superior, have set yourself unreachable goals, have struggled to find meaning and in the end you have simply exhausted yourself. Guess where adrenal fatigue and CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) originate?
But you already belong. You already are! And peace is as simple as making a choice. Peace is healing, Healing is peace. All are Love. And which do you choose in this moment, the path of love or the path of fear, the other more negative stuff? The path of fitting in - or the path of being YOU!?
And as you saw on the page about the Diamond, you were born belonging to Life, you always are a perfect diamond, even if as a splinter of the wider cosmos. Your splinter, your shape, is your uniqueness. But you are still a jewel of the original Source. Your uniqueness is found in your flaws and curves, the quirks that make you indescribably you.
And all you are asked to do is simply show up as honestly, truthfully and authentically Loving as you can.
It’s not about pretend or pretense, masks or make-believe, or what the neighbours think! They probably don’t think very cleverly anyway! And for sure they see the world only through their lens of experience and indoctrination! It is simply about showing up each day and being the real you.
What's a body to do - or a person to be?
If you want to “do” anything to get back to that beingness, how about “letting go” that which no longer serves and “allowing” the real you to shine?
Some things to let go, just stop.
Always asking why; why me, why this, why now?
Always seeking others’ approval
Blaming – self and other
Comparing yourself to others, being envious,
Complaining, whingeing, whining
Impressing others, trying to look good in others eyes
Judging and criticising Life, self, and others
Needing to prove your right, the best, the greatest
Negative self-talk, putting yourself down, berating yourself
Reliving the past, dwelling in the past, fearing the future
Trying to please others, trying to be perfect, trying hard, trying to get it right, trying to fit in
Allow the following to be your new habits
Be bold, don’t scold – when you err, teach yourself as you would a little child
Be radically kind, loving and respectful to yourself, just as much as you would to others
Build, maintain your temple well – move and exercise
Lead by example; show others without telling them what self-respect, dignity and self-care really look like.
Listen to and honour your emotions
Nourish yourself – as you would care for plant, eat wisely, keep rehydrated, limit the use of drugs, alcohol, processed foods and other toxins
Daily acts of self-Love
Listening to nature, the Divine
Rest and sleep wisely – manage stress, seek help if necessary
Seek balance between commitment and overwork, slacking off and self-deprivation, play more, work less