Becoming emotionally strong
Throughout this website, you’ll find lots of different sets of “summary tips” for
leading a healthier more fulfilled life. Why so many? Simply because different topic
areas often require different summary tips. But don’t be afraid to consider picking
and mixing – you may just, however, end up with a very long list! The thing is –
use what works.
In order to become emotionally strong here are some bad and good habits and
Don’t expect immediate results from any approach you try to get your life back
in balance. There’s likely to be no magic pill, quick fix, or miracle. When you plant
a seed, it takes a while to grow to fruition. Similarly, with many self-healing
approaches, especially natural approaches, to creating health and well-being, you
need to see each one as seed you plant, watering it, nurturing it, whilst having the
desire, belief and expectancy of a good result. Lasting change takes time.
Don’t waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. Every now and then some of us end up in horrible, messy situations. It could be a tricky divorce, the receiving of a terminal diagnosis, the news that we’ve been made redundant and so on. Such things drain your energy. Bu so too does giving your energy away by dwelling on them and how awful it is that this happened to you, and how unfair life is. Emotions are energy. We need energy for a good life. Why drain the batteries through repeating negative emotions. All the “why me’s” in the world ain’t gonna help. Accept that life is not always fair. Look critically at how you may have influenced the situation you are in. Take responsibility for what rightfully is your part and correct. Take action – to make amends for negative behaviour, to atone for your misdemeanours, to apologise, to forgive. People don’t have to accept your apology. But you made it and if done with sincerity, now detach, let go, and move on with life. Put your thinking and feeling to good use.
Give up on resisting life and having it to be your way. Be open and welcoming to change and be willing to be flexible in any response you may need to make. Even a one degree shift can create a huge change. And one of the most certain things in life is that change is inevitable.
Remember – you can’t please all the people all of the time and sometimes you have to please yourself first. Put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others. Be prepared to set boundaries, the line in the sand, to say “no” and not always feel the need to say “yes” to every demand on your time. If people are unhappy because you say “no” – you will not be influenced by their reaction. Their lesson is perhaps to look at why they get upset and you cannot control their lessons. Be kind, fair and understanding but don’t feel you always have to give in. You can choose to surrender, but not give in.
Learn from your mistakes. Don’t waste energy recriminating yourself for mistakes you made. Again, accept responsibility, learn your lesson and commit to not repeating the mistake. This extends too to unhealthy behaviours. If you become aware that eating certain foods always triggers certain reactions, then don’t keep repeating the same mistake by continuing to buy let alone eat the food. Those soda drinks in the fridge are there because someone bought them. Sometimes we have to trace back to the origin of the mistake, the original thought.
Appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. Be grateful for them. One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others. Be grateful you have recognised they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success and then copy them, do likewise. What we see in others is a reflection of what is in ourselves.
Spend energy only on things you can directly influence or control. We only have control over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It’s a myth that we can control the world. You cannot control how others think, feel, or behave. You can’t force them to forgive you or make amends. So don’t even try. If you are stuck in a traffic jam, you could waste energy and increase your cortisol levels (thereby damaging your health) by getting more and more stressed, little realising that up ahead a driver had a heart attack and died whilst driving. When we know differently, we can change our thoughts and feelings in an instant. Use any “down” time to listen to relaxing CDs, or listening to spoken self-help books. Practise conscious breathing. Repeat a calming mantra such as “I am peace.” In life we tend to fall into one of two groups of people – those who feel they have control over how they create or respond to events in their lives (even if it is down to changing their attitude to something negative that is happening to them) and those who get blown by the wind and believe they have absolutely no control of life’s events.
Those who believe they can take some level of responsibility
Are more likely to begin by taking responsibility for their part in the events of their lives
Usually have a strong sense of self and self-ability to be effective
Will work hard to achieve the things they want
Have a confident attitude to life and its challenges
Will be less influenced by the opinions of other people
Often do better at tasks when they are allowed to work at their own pace
Look after themselves and therefore will tend to be physically healthier
Report being happier and more independent
Often achieve greater success in the workplace
Often have more successful personal lives
Those who believe there is nothing they can do
Point the finger and blame others and external forces for their circumstances
Put synchronicity and opportunity down to luck or chance for any successes
Have a low perception of their ability to change their situation through their own efforts
Generally, will feel powerless to do anything
Will be devoid of the thinking needed to get unstuck
Frequently will feel hopeless or powerless in the face of difficult situations
Will have trained themselves to be helpless
Which of the above are you?