You and your future - prescription choices
So you have come this far. Often I am asked at the end of workshops and training
programmes if I can sum up the key things people could do to make their life better. I offer
the following – as choices. I know they work - from personal experience, trial and error.
If they don’t work for you then consider at some deeper level you are telling yourself that
they are no good, they will not work, or you don’t believe in them. That means your
resistance is high and you are likely self-sabotaging. The ones you most resist perhaps
are the ones you most need to apply.
1. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. You may have hit the buffers but
you are who you are and you have what you have, right now. You have you, your mind,
your capacity to choose. The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought
that inspires and helps you move forward. Hold on to it strongly, and keep your focus on it.
You may feel like life is yuck or you don’t have much, or anything at all, but you still
have your mind to inspire you. Use your imagination. Great things happen when you
start choosing the statement, “I wonder what it would be like to ….”
And that’s really all you need to start moving forward again.
2. Check that you are truly loving yourself – warts and all; the notion of loving the self in the Western world is not very popular and smacks of being very selfish. It isn’t and it does not deny the power of love nor the need for us to love our selves unconditionally. When we can love ourselves, then, and only then, can we truly love others. Otherwise all our giving is likely to come from an ego position of “there is something in it for me!” The opposite of love is fear – and most of us are living a life filled with fear thoughts. Continue your daily spiritual practice…. Some form of prayer (not necessarily religious) meditation, Qi Gong, Yoga, a swim, a walk in nature.
3.Live in the present; let go of the past and the things that hold you back from fulfilling your future and realising your dreams. Your thoughts for past events and people are simply that, so it is your thoughts you need to choose more carefully. You are not born to hold tight on to anything; you are meant to flow in a world that is also constantly in flow and changing. We spend so much time in the past (regretting it or wishing we could bring it back) or in the future ( (plotting, planning, and hoping it will be better) but this only makes us avoid the present – the gift! Although we exist always in the present, physically, our minds are scattered and elsewhere which means we can NEVER live life to the full unless we start to learn to live in the present, this moment, now.
So, be NOW HERE rather than be NO WHERE!
Yes. BE here now – whether it is a sad time, a happy time, a grieving time and know that …
(Read “Letting Go: the pathway of surrender” by David R Hawkin MD)
4.Where you are is where you are meant to be. Everything is as it should be. Even the tough times. It is when life is throwing myriad problems at us that we need most to remind ourselves that our most painful experiences help to shape us and grow us forward, breaking through to a stronger, wider, and richer us. Again, life flows. It is never all hard nor all great. Even the bad times are good – to quote a song! And a river never flows without coming up against boulders and rocks.
5. Stop trying to control the behaviour of anyone else. You cannot change another nor one another. The only person that you can “change” is you …the Higher internal you is OK and doesn’t need changing but sometimes we need to make conscious changes in our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, choices and actions.
6 People are in your life for a reason – the things in them that you want to change are more than likely the bits in you that you least recognise or acknowledge. If you find someone is arrogant, dishonest, and uncaring then you too have the capacity for those behaviours and qualities. You may not exhibit them. And internally you may be judging the other for being the way they are. The lesson is to stop all judging and so stop all blaming! You may not like someone when they lie and protest, “But I never lie.” But you have the capacity to lie, to not tell the truth; and we all at times lie to ourselves about ourselves.
7. You are not responsible for others’ behaviour, only your own. Allow people to be who they are (unless injury is involved when different choices may need to be considered) – even if that means standing by and watching them go through painful experiences. That is their choice and their learning. Do not interfere with it unless invited. Often, we try to help but for selfish reasons because we want to make it better for us! There really is nothing to change – all you need do is reconnect to you.
8 YES AND – is very empowering. YES BUT is disempowering. If people offer you a phrase or two with ideas of help, and you always begin your reply with reply, “Yes but!” then it is experienced be the other as rejection on this physical plane. On the metaphysical plane, however, it is a way of you putting up a great big wall and defending yourself behind it so no-one can get through.
9. You have the right to say YES to whatever you choose – the key is in choosing. Most of us say “yes” when we really need to be saying “no”. So practise saying “no” more often – and “YES” only when you choose to and it right to do so. Ask, “in saying “yes” dis this for the greater good of all concerned?”
10. Don’t depend on others or things external for your happiness for they can be taken from you in an instant. It’s a bit like filling up a bucket with water that has a small hole in the bottom. Feeding off others has the same effect. It is not permanent and will drain you. Depend on yourself for your own true, lasting inner happiness. To be happy is a choice.
11. Stop trying to be perfect. At your very centre you are already perfect anyway – it’s just that with all the years of conditioning you have had that tells you that you are not perfect, you have come to believe there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you! We are here to learn and grow, to love and create AND to make mistakes from which we go on learning and growing!
12. Stop trying to please everyone else and start pleasing (or treating) yourself more and more.
13. Stop giving in to old conditioning which says you must be strong and never show emotion. Feelings are natural. It’s OK to cry, to feel, to get angry – you may just have to express it in more appropriate ways. If you tend to default to a belief of “I am not worthy” “There’s something wrong with me” “I’m no good” “I’m not loveable” etc etc you are connecting to a moment based on an experience way back in the past that simply is a lie. You may feel unworthy, that there’s something wrong, that you are useless and have no value but you can CHOOSE to feel differently then CHOOSE the thoughts that would support that feeling eg
I feel no good I feel I have loads to offer. I choose now to offer my strengths in people skills, IT, creativity, healing, loving etc
There’s something wrong with me. Ask where is this something? How do I know it is wrong? Is it really true that it is wrong?
Essentially we all tell stories about ourselves and most of them are simply not true. So challenge your story by asking:-
Is that story true?
Can I be absolutely certain that it’s true? Where’s the evidence?
How am I making myself feel and behave when I tell myself this story?
Where else does this story lead me?
Most likely your answers, if you are being honest, go something like:-
No it’s not true
No I have no way of knowing if it is true. There is no evidence
I am winding myself up, I make myself angry, annoyed, now wasting my time procrastinating
This leads me to become more annoyed, fantasising all sorts of negative stuff that’s unreal.
What will I choose as my new story?
14. Stop trying hard and being hard on yourself; trying is hard, hard on you, hard on your immune system, and often hard on others. It can seriously impact your health.
15. And slow down – life, even in the so-called 24/7 society, does not have to be lived only in the fast lane. Fast lanes eventually run out, even on city orbitals, where the Universe has a way, through pile ups and hold ups, of slowing us down. Accidents are a sign to slow down.
16. Stop blaming and judging others. Every time you blame and judge, you lose the power that is precious to you. Blaming others negatively is like making yourself a victim – something else to let go of. Living in hurt and anger will keep you locked in the victim status and stop you from achieving your dreams.
17 Listen to the still small voice within.
Your own inner voice holds all the keys, all the answers. AND you need to take time out to listen to it, to trust what you can hear. This will guide you to know what to do, what to say, where to go. Some call it your intuition, your sixth sense, or your psychic power.
We all have it, most of us neglect it.
18. Avoid people whose attitudes, thoughts and behaviour are negative and choose positive, life-enhancing people. When you are positive you will attract positive people into your life. Like attracts like. If you are trying to become a more positive quality eg let’s say compassionate, then rub along and share the energy with compassionate people. Once you choose to become compassionate, then caring compassionate will somehow present in your life.
19. Be your own life manager! In an ever-changing world, your life needs to be actively managed. There are some fundamental Universal Laws of life. You may not like them, but denying them does not mean they aren't true nor that they are not operating in YOUR life.
20. Wise up on the Universal Laws, which follow, on what makes you and others tick. Get real. Give up on denying the facts before your eyes, stop running with your assumptions ("nobody likes me") instead check them out. Start taking action. See 12. above. Take off the mask that prevents you from seeing how the world is reacting to you not just you to it! All the time you are making choices. The choices influence your behaviour which carries consequences. The choices you made yesterday have resulted in the life you have today or planted the seeds of your tomorrows. Seeds are your thoughts! If you don't like what you have, get ready to choose differently and act and get out of the rut.
21. The Universe responds to your intentions but you also must play your part, ie act. Realise, however, that everything starts with your thoughts which govern your physiology which in turn affects how you feel which influences how you behave in the world. A thought is only a thought and can be changed. Change your thinking – change your life. It CAN be that simple though you may need to reinforce the new thought for some time. Plant some seeds and they grow within days, others take months.
22. Accountability. You are responsible for your life; you create it, it doesn't happen to you. Most people overlook the ways in which they contribute to their experience of the world. If you see the world and react to it as a victim, holding on to the belief that you are right, your way is best so the problem can't be your fault, you will never successfully create a meaningful life. Rather than, "Why are they doing this to me?", start saying, "Why am I doing this to myself (over and over again)? What thoughts, behaviour, and choices can I change to get a different result?" Life treats you as well as you treat it! You won’t sort out your problems blaming others. The attitude, manner, and style you use to engage people determines how they respond to you. What you give out, you get back – usually tenfold! If you have critical thoughts of others, it is likely you will be on the receiving end of a lot of criticism yourself. But it is you who chooses those critical thoughts which influences your behaviour which creates the outcomes and consequences. Difficult though it may be, you can always control your reactions and responses to what life throws at you – even if you can’t control what happens outside of you. Your responses will either let you drown or let you swim!
23. People keep on doing what works – even if it hurts. And they don't have to. If you keep on doing something that is negative (eg getting angry, hating something, saying 'yes' when you should really say 'no', the 'naughty' child misbehaving to get attention, etc) there is a payoff in that behaviour. You do these things because at some level they work, they serve a purpose. You adjust your behaviour to the payoffs you get. Find and control the payoffs you seek to control your life; you can then start behaving in healthy ways necessary to have what you desire or better still “choose” for your life – or, just as importantly, though perhaps not as easily, stop behaving in ways that interfere with your having what you decide to choose. You may need help with this! You’ve probably noticed, the more questions, the more and deeper the work involved.
24. You can't embrace what you won't face! Unless you acknowledge something, you can't change it and until you do, it's likely to be creating havoc. You cannot heal what you won't acknowledge. Don't ignore your dark, your shadow, the aspects of you which you deny or disown. When you turn on the lights, the ghosts and ghoulies run away! No matter how flat the pizza, it's still got two sides! Whatever negative you find, there is always a positive. Acknowledgement is also about taking action. It's not good enough to say "I now know!” What you hate you recreate until you love it. Be truthful about what is and isn't working in your life and your part in that. Stop making excuses and start choosing and taking action and creating results.
25. Life rewards action and results. It is important to have clear and honourable intentions, yet in and of themselves they are insufficient, even if the Universe is listening and responding to them. You may intend to praise me but until you do, I can't see your intention, I will experience no praise. Life does not reward intention, insight, wisdom, nor understanding – but action. Choose the right behaviours/actions to get the right consequences/results. If there is something you don't have in life, it is because you don't choose or act. Get out your comfort zone – staying there means no stretching, no changing, no risking a journey into uncharted territory. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always had. You’ll always end up in the same old place or going round the same dumb mountain.
26. No matter what happens in your life, how you interpret it is up to you! Your perception may be your reality but it is not reality. Just because you think the world is a scary place does not mean it is an all scary place. And most of what we think is thinking is very superficial. Your reality is how you assign meaning to the sensations and experiences you witness in and receive from the world. Two people can be in the same car crash, both physically uninjured; one may perceive it as the most awful thing to have happened, the other may see it as a wakeup call! The events in your life only have the meaning you assign to them. Where your perceptions are concerned, you can choose differently. As Shakespeare said, "Life is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so!" Read Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Whilst in a Nazi concentration camp he discovered that the SS guards could not control what attitude he took about the suffering showered upon him. If you choose to believe, "nobody likes me" "life is awful" then that perception (or thought) will drive your behaviour, and influence the outcomes. The Universe will respond by giving you experiences to back up your perception. But the world is not evil, it is just the world. Life is not awful – life is life! And sometimes life has shitty moments but it does not mean all of life for ever and a day is shit. Get out your pooper scooper out and scoop up the crappy bits of life the you choose now not to engage with. Throw!
27. Manage your life. Drive your own bus! Pull your own strings! Never in life are you without problems and challenges. Either you manage life or life manages you! Apply these life laws and other strategies in this document. Resolve rather than let fester your personal problems. It isn't so much the particular circumstances that upset you as it is the violation of your expectations. If you expect that everyone ought to be polite, kind to you then you are going to be very disappointed to discover that some don't and won’t! That's life! How well your life is functioning in five years time depends on how you consciously choose to manage it from this day on – your thoughts, your behaviours, your choices. If you play the "what if" game – answer the 'what ifs' and check your assumptions. Do not accumulate unfinished emotional business. To be effective you must identify when you are sad, angry, hurting, frustrated, confused … and take action to deal with these feelings. Remember, what you resist persists and is likely to be doing damage. Honour your commitments and agreements. Don't promise what you can't deliver – to yourself as well as others. Start now and do the very best you can. Begin each day with questions such as, "What do I choose for today? What can I do today to make that happen, to make life better, to make it more fulfilling?" Answer the questions then take action! Remember life rewards action and results, not intention.
28. People treat us the way we let them! If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, you need to find out what you do that allows, reinforces, or elicits that treatment. Are you playing doormat, victim, slave, small etc? If they get what they want, it is because you allow it. If you have an abusive boss, what do you do that encourages that behaviour? If you have a health professional who won't listen, challenge them on their non-listening as you experience it. If someone makes demands of you and you eventually learn to say "no" but cave in on the next demand, you are sending out a message that you don't really want things to change! Say 'goodbye' to guilt. Others cannot make you feel guilty – or any other emotion for that matter. How you interpret an event is up to you. Most of what you communicate is done through non-verbal body language and that’s what people pick up on.
29. Learn to let go – and do it. Forgiveness holds much power. Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behaviour; it is about letting go the emotional impact a person's behaviour has on you. Often we carry around great hate, anger, resentment at another – whilst they wander around unperturbed, unaffected. Unless you forgive, your behaviour will either be – external – vicious – or internal – carrying deep bitterness. It isn’t possible for Love and Hatred/Anger/Bitterness to coincide. If you want a peace-filled life you cannot have it if you carry round years of unresolved baggage. As one saying goes, Let go – let God. Think of a kilogram bag os sugar. Each bag represents one of those life evens or people you just get hooked into. Count tehem up, how many bags are you carrying around unnecessarily each day? Now untether from those bags and can you, even in reading, sense how light it already feels?
Read “Letting go: the path to surrender” by David R Hawkin or watch the video “Letting Go” of the Sedona Method.
30. You are not angry (or any other emotion) for the reason you think. What we say about others is more often than not a statement about ourselves. Ken Wilber in Meeting the Shadow says, "if a person or thing informs us, we probably aren't projecting; on the other hand, if they affect us, chances are that we are a victim of our own projections." Projection is an involuntary transfer of our own unconscious qualities and behaviours onto others. Whatever we don't own about ourselves we project on to others. When we can embrace it and own it, we can see it's gift. If I am offended by your rudeness, I need to look at my own capacity for rudeness – past, present or future. Every word, incident, and person that still has an emotional charge for us needs to be retraced, faced, replaced, and embraced for the gift it offers. Read No chance Encounter by Kay Pollak and The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.
31. Be clear about what you ask for – you may just get it! If you can’t specify with great clarity your chosen goals, you are unlikely to be successful in getting what you choose ie nothing!! To want is to lack, to desire is just a dream; to choose and act is what matters. The most you'll ever get is what you ask for – so don't underset your goals. The motivating factor toward the goal is not the perceived tangible outcome e.g. the well paid job, rather it is how you will feel and the benefits that accrue as a result. It is the feeling that is the goal, the motivator – and maybe there are more ways to achieve that than you think. To stand any chance of success in achieving your goal you have to have the desire, the belief that you deserve to have your desire, a certainty that it is possible, a connection to how you feel as a result of achieving what you desire, and then CHOOSE and take action. Here's a short formula that will help you clarify your goals:-
What is it you now choose for your life eg peace, contentment, privacy, quiet? NB we re not asking what 'want' for want implies lack or desire for desire is but a dream, a wish. You must CHOOSE how you want you and things to be, and your choice must be heart felt. Feeling is key, want and desiring is in the head. So it is essential is to make a choice about how your life should look, feel like, sound like etc.
What are you going to have to do to meet that choice ? Or can you trust the Universe to guide you there instead of your ego-based personality thinking it is doing it for you??
How specifically will you feel when you have achieved that choice?
This becomes your goal. So state it again.
Now what will you have to do to get this?
And how is that going to make you feel?
And this becomes a clearer goal
Continue the cycle.
32. Which of these Universal laws can you not embrace, for that is the one that is most likely to be at play in your life? Which of these, were you to pay closer attention to, could begin to allow you to see things differently and therefore bring about changes you now choose for your life?
33. Know enough to know you will never know enough. Don’t stop on this journey of self-awareness. There is always more to learn – usually when you’ve just had a breakthrough and think you’ve cracked it! Notice the serendipitous synchronicities along the way – the things you toss aside as coincidence; nothing is without a purpose. People are in your life for a reason. All events are your teachers… if you let them. But life is about what you CHOOSE and commit to. And a constant process of awakening and learning.
In all of this there is a key starting ingredient
How do you see the world and life?
I give you two choices from which you are likely to be viewing the world, your life, and these are either
as stingy, negative, denying, hard work, always trying, lacking, limited, small – like a critical, controlling, parent telling you what you can’t do, can’t have and mustn’t be, forever laying down rules, conditions, making their love conditional, and in the process you end up feeling not OK
as abundant, giving, loving, flowing, filled with possibilities, yours for the asking – like a parent filled with unconditional love, encouraging you on, saying you can, and “be” all you choose to be, it’s yours for the asking.
We, with our small mind, ego personalities have created number one and we think that is reality.
The real world, the reality, the world of our higher consciousness, our connection to our Higher Power, perhaps heaven you might say, is number two.
If you’ve been living according to number one, now is the time to allow yourself the choice of number two, to raise your consciousness, choose differently, and live from a loving world of infinite positive possibilities.
It’s how we bring heaven down here to earth.